How to end up in HR

INTROLadies and gentlemen. This is the tale of shenanigans, foolishness, mayhem, bigotry, racism, sexism and everything else under the sun. These are some of my personal stories on how I should have ended up in HR. If you are easily offended, this is not the place for you. If vulgar, lewd or inappropriate language offends you, please do yourself a favor and walk away. If not, then prepare yourself for the folklore, “How to end up in HR.” All names, locations, and positions have been changed to protect the “not so” innocent.