The Selfishness of Others, Kristin Dombek
The Selfishness of Others, Kristin Dombek
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The Selfishness of Others
An Essay on the Fear of Narcissism

Author: Kristin Dombek

Narrator: Rachel Fulginiti

Unabridged: 4 hr 1 min

Format: Digital Audiobook Download

Published: 12/13/2016


Synopsis

They’re among us, but they are not like us. They manipulate, lie, cheat, and steal. They are irresistibly charming and accomplished, appearing to live in a radiance beyond what we are capable of. But narcissists are empty. No one knows exactly what everyone else is full of—some kind of a soul, or personhood—but whatever it is, experts agree that narcissists do not have it.So goes the popular understanding of narcissism, or NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). And it’s more prevalent than ever, according to recent articles in the New York Times, the Atlantic, and Time. In bestsellers like The Narcissism Epidemic, Narcissists Exposed, and The Narcissist Next Door, pop psychologists have armed the normal with tools to identify and combat the vampiric influence of this rising population, while on websites like NarcissismSurvivor.com, thousands of people congregate to swap horror stories about relationships with “narcs.”In The Selfishness of Others, the essayist Kristin Dombek provides a clear-sighted account of how a rare clinical diagnosis became a fluid cultural phenomenon, a repository for our deepest fears about love, friendship, and family. She cuts through hysteria in search of the razor-thin line between pathology and common selfishness, writing with robust skepticism toward the prophets of NPD and genuine empathy for those who see themselves as its victims. And finally, she shares her own story in a candid effort to find a path away from the cycle of fear and blame and toward a more forgiving and rewarding life.

About Kristin Dombek

Kristin Dombek is the author of a 2016 book on the fear of narcissism, The Selfishness of Others. She is the 2013 winner of the Rona Jaffe Foundation Writers’ Award. Her essays can be found in the New York Times, Harper’s magazine, the London Review of Books, n+1, and the Paris Review. She has written an advice column for n+1 called “The Help Desk.”

About Rachel Fulginiti

Rachel Fulginiti is an audiobook narrator and a voice-over artist who has worked with companies such as Chrysler, Target, McDonalds, and eHarmony. She is a graduate of the Meisner Program at the School for Film and Television in New York City.


Reviews

Goodreads review by Shelley on May 08, 2019

This book is written by someone who wants to understand the narcissistic phenomenon and does a lot of reading and research about it. However, the result is a mishmash of way too many different constructs and there is little distinction between opinions of bloggers and actual scientists. Another prob......more

Goodreads review by Peter on September 27, 2016

Are you a narcissist? Of course you are. We all are. It’s so obvious. That’s our modern condition. We’re self-obsessed millennials who live online and care about only our empty selves. Boy, what a bunch of assholes we are. Really, we’re just idiots, unthinking morons who glom onto buzzwords and echo......more

Goodreads review by Peter on March 16, 2025

I lost the forest for the trees reading this book. Everything you ever wanted to know about narcissism, in excruciating detail - with occasional tangential discussions about other subjects - but somehow, I lost the point of what she was saying ... if there ever was a point. And, was repetitious like......more

Goodreads review by Lindsey on October 05, 2016

It caught me in the end; Dombek hit a note of poetic eloquence toward the finish that almost made me forget that what I'd just read was so difficult to interpret because of its abundant punctuation. It was an interesting read with many things to consider and think about, but the sentences go on fore......more

Goodreads review by Therese on January 02, 2017

Parts of this short book were pretty dense, like where she discusses the history of psychology, and I only skimmed them ... she also has a kind of oblique style even when she writes from a more "human interest" standpoint about bad boyfriends and teenagers unjustly accused of narcissistic behavior.......more


Quotes

“Sharply argued, knottily intelligent, darkly funny…showing how a specialized clinical term metastasized into a sweeping description of our entire culture.” New York Times

“Is excessive self-love a scourge of the twenty-first century? Dombek, a wonderfully nuanced essayist, takes on our collective egotism in this piercing and surprisingly funny book.” O, The Oprah Magazine

“Dombek writes breezily and well about the history of the idea of narcissism, leaning heavily on Elizabeth Lunbeck’s excellent The Americanization of Narcissism." Washington Post

“Dombek dignifies the genre. Her essays are personal in the way of Montaigne or Virginia Woolf: bold, humane, and more imaginative than ­navel-gazing.” New York Times Book Review

“[Dombek is] graceful on the page, and often more empathic, especially toward the suffering multitudes who’ve sustained lasting injury (they proclaim) at the hands of narcissistic bosses, bad boyfriends, selfish parents.” Bookforum

“Essayist Dombek offers plenty of examples of what has become a buzzword for the self-absorbed millennial…A savvy, sharp study.” Kirkus Reviews

“A tour de force and a masterpiece of comic intellect.” Mark Greif, author of The Age of the Crisis of Man


Awards

  • NPR Best Book
  • Shelf Awareness Best Book
  • Wired Magazine Pick