Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft
Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft
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Why Does He Do That?
Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Author: Lundy Bancroft

Narrator: Sean Patrick Hopkins, Beth Hicks, Vas Eli

Unabridged: 14 hr 21 min

Format: Digital Audiobook Download

Publisher: Penguin Audio

Published: 03/17/2026

Includes: Bonus Material Bonus Material Included

Synopsis

In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship.

He says he loves you. So...why does he do that?

You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about:

• The early warning signs of abuse
• The nature of abusive thinking
• Myths about abusers
• Ten abusive personality types
• The role of drugs and alcohol
• What you can fix, and what you can’t
• And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely

“This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health

* This audiobook edition includes a downloadable PDF of resources from the book.

About The Author

Lundy Bancroft has over twenty-five years of experience in the fields of abuse, trauma, and recovery. He has published five books, including the bestseller Why Does He Do That?, Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?, When Dad Hurts Mom, The Batterer as Parent, and Should I Stay of Should I Go?. Lundy has worked with over 1000 abusive men in his counseling groups. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness, and has presented to 350 audiences across the U.S. and abroad.

Reviews

Goodreads review by Rachel on January 21, 2009

This is a must read for any woman who has been or is in an abusive relationship. Bancroft explains in great detail why some men treat their girlfriends or wives so abhorrently . This book taught me that it's not external influences that causes a man to be mean and angry--like he had a bad day at wor......more

Goodreads review by Thomas on March 18, 2018

A fantastic book about abusive relationships that clarifies misconceptions about abuse, provides compassionate support to victims and survivors, and discusses the societal factors that contribute to violence in relationships. I love how Lundy Bancroft dispels so many myths about what makes abusive p......more

Goodreads review by Sunny on July 07, 2025

Abusers everywhere should be terrified that this book exists and shatters all the mythology and bullshit surrounding their abusive behaviors and attitudes. I genuinely and truly think that every woman must and should read this book. You will be able to help yourself and your loved ones so much more......more

Goodreads review by Amory on June 19, 2015

this book is SO GOOD. Bancroft describes the abuser mentality in a way that demystifies the cycle of abuse for survivors. As someone who works with survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, as well as a survivor myself, I recommend this book to anyone wanting to understand and end abusive r......more

Goodreads review by Elle on July 10, 2022

An interesting psychological work about abuse. “It is not his feelings the abuser is too distant from: it is his partner’s feelings and his children’s feelings. Those are the emotions that he knows so little about and that he needs to get in touch with.” He reframes abuse as something not done be......more

Quotes

Praise for Lundy Bancroft and Why Does He Do That?

“Bancroft has opened a window into the thinking of abusive men, and his book helps open a door out of abusive relationships.”—Gavin de Becker, New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Fear and Fear Less

“Most books about abuse in relationships focus on women—how they’re hurt, why they stay. As important as these questions are, they can also distract us from the heart of the problem. Bancroft boldly asks—and brilliantly answers—the most important questions of all: Why do so many men abuse women? What can be done about it? This book is desperately needed and long overdue.”—Jackson Katz, creator of the award-winning video Tough Guise: Violence, Media and the Crisis in Masculinity

“This fascinating investigation into what makes abusive men tick is alarming but its candid handling of a difficult subject makes it a valuable resource for professionals and victims alike…Jargon-free analysis is frequently broken up by interesting first-person accounts and boxes that distill in-depth information into simple checklists. Bancroft’s book promises to be a beacon of calm for many storm-tossed families.”—Publishers Weekly
 
“Bancroft, a former codirector of Emerge, the first U.S. program for abusive men, and a 15-year veteran of work with abusive men, reminds readers that each year in this country, two to four million women are assaulted by their partners and that at least one out of three American women will be a victim of violence by a husband or boyfriend at some point in her life. His valuable resource covers early warning signs, ten abusive personality types, the abusive mentality, problems with getting help from the legal system, and the long, complex process of change…This is essential reading for those in the helping professions and highly recommended.”—Library Journal

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