The Power of Discord, Ed Tronick
The Power of Discord, Ed Tronick
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The Power of Discord
Why the Ups and Downs of Relationships Are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience, and Trust

Author: Ed Tronick, Claudia M. Gold

Narrator: Dan Woren, Betsy Foldes Meiman

Unabridged: 8 hr

Format: Digital Audiobook Download

Published: 06/02/2020

Synopsis

This "profoundly wise" look at how to foster connections, attachment, and resiliency explains why working through discord is the key to better relationships. (Sue Johnson, bestselling author of Hold Me Tight)

You might think that perfect harmony is the defining characteristic of healthy relationships, but the truth is that human interactions are messy, complicated, and confusing. And according to renowned psychologist Ed Tronick and pediatrician Claudia Gold, that is not only okay, it is actually crucial to our social and emotional development. In The Power of Discord they show how working through the inevitable dissonance of human connection is the path to better relationships with romantic partners, family, friends, and colleagues.
Dr. Tronick was one of the first researchers to show that babies are profoundly affected by their parents' emotions and behavior via "The Still-Face Experiment." His work, which brought about a foundational shift in our understanding of human development, shows that our highly evolved sense of self makes us separate, yet our survival depends on connection. And so we approximate, iteratively learning about one another's desires and intentions, and gaining confidence in the process as we correct the mistakes and misunderstandings that arise.
Working through the volley of mismatch and repair in everyday life helps us form deep, lasting, trusting relationships, resilience in times of stress and trauma, and a solid sense of self in the world. Drawing on Dr. Tronick's research and Dr. Gold's clinical experience, The Power of Discord is a refreshing and original look at our ability to relate to others and to ourselves.

Reviews

Goodreads review by Heidi on June 01, 2020

The Power of Discord is a study of human connection and disconnection. The authors, Ed Tronick and Claudia Gold, demonstrate through scientific and therapeutic studies that by working through conflict and the messiness of every day life, our relationships can be stronger than ever before. Our earlies......more

Goodreads review by Maria on March 06, 2021

This is a great book, both for professionals and for anyone who wants to better understand the importance of early experiences and what good can come out of mismatches and how to repair them. I feel it was written in a palatable way for anyone to read. Love that several of the relationships in this......more

Goodreads review by Tommy on June 18, 2024

One of those “I get the gist” books from the jump. Still good in a lot of ways, with a lot of really good examples that flesh out the still-face paradigm. Basically, the process of rupture and repair isn’t just unavoidable in relationship, it’s a developmental necessity. Moreover we shouldn’t agoniz......more

Goodreads review by Larkin on September 10, 2021

The foundation of the book is the “Still-Face Experiment” that one of the authors, psychologist Ed Tronick first conducted nearly 50 years ago. The experiment involves a baby and parent sitting facing each other. The parent starts by playing with their baby, smiling at the child, and talking to them......more

Goodreads review by K on November 11, 2022

Brilliant! "mismatch and repair" "How do you learn to listen in a way that is open to uncertainty?" Dr Terry Brazelton could observe and listen to infants and babies because he knew the baby had something to tell him, and he recognized he did not yet know what that was. "Empathy requires knowing you......more

Quotes

"In this fabulous book, which everyone must own, Ed Tronick and Claudia Gold give all of us a scientifically-based compass for negotiating the messiness of social interaction. Rather than searching for perfection, in this book they teach us that it is the messiness and the mistakes we inevitably make as parents, friends, and lovers, and the repair of our mistakes that really matters. For in repair we 'co-create a new meaning,' and relationships thrive and proceed, full of life and good enough. Get this book!"

—John Gottman, author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

"Lively and riveting...Human connections have the power to heal by engaging us in a new set of moment-to- moment mismatches...as long as we are open to repair and reconnect."
—Bessel van der Kolk, MD, author of The Body Keeps the Score

"A brilliant overview of our contemporary relational landscape that argues that what people -- both children and adults -- need most is the messiness of real relationships, with their conflicts, partial resolutions, and imperfect efforts at repair. In trying to make these things work, we practice attention, connection, and listening. We practice our humanity. We learn to put technology in its place. A book for thinking and for practical action. A must-read."
—Sherry Turkle, author of Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology

"This profoundly wise book sets out how the dance of connection and disconnection with attachment figures molds our nervous system, our emotional lives, our sense of self, and our ability to dance in tune with others. When we miss each other is when we truly learn to turn, reach, and connect. There are no slick tips for perfect relationships with your kids or lovers here. Just a deep understanding of how the imperfections of life and love can make us strong."
—Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight

"Our relationships with attachment figures are often innately 'messy' and filled with discord as mismatches rupture the attuned, resonant alignments that are possible in our relational world. The reconnection established in the mismatch-repair process illuminated in this important work enables us to develop resilience in the face of the inevitable disconnections in these important self-defining close connections in our lives. This wise book will help many to reframe such ruptures as opportunities rather than troublesome burdens, painful yet important challenges that can actually afford us the interactive reconnection experiences that serve as the foundation for flourishing in life."—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, author of Mindsight and Clinical Professor, UCLA School of Medicine

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