The Gaslight Effect, Dr. Robin Stern
The Gaslight Effect, Dr. Robin Stern
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The Gaslight Effect
How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life

Author: Dr. Robin Stern

Narrator: Nan McNamara

Unabridged: 9 hr 34 min

Format: Digital Audiobook Download

Published: 01/09/2018

Includes: Bonus Material Bonus Material Included


Synopsis

Are You Being Gaslighted?
Check for these telltale signs:
1. You constantly second-guess yourself.
2. You wonder, “Am I being too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
3. You wonder frequently if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.
4. You have trouble making simple decisions.
5. You think twice before bringing up innocent topics of conversation.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
7. Before your partner comes home from work, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.
8. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases thinking about what your partner would like instead of what would make you feel great.
9. You actually start to enjoy the constant criticism, because you think, “What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.”
10. You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don’t have to tell him things you’re afraid might upset him.
11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
12. You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
13. You frequently wonder if you’re good enough for your lover.
14. Your kids start trying to protect you from being humiliated by your partner.
15. You feel hopeless and joyless.

Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time.

Your boss backed you on a project when you met privately in his office, and you went full steam ahead. But at a large gathering of staff—including yours—he suddenly changes his tune and publicly criticizes your poor judgment. When you tell him your concerns for how this will affect your authority, he tells you that the project was ill-conceived and you’ll have to be more careful in the future. You begin to question your competence.

Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, your friends, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back as your friends encourage you to do, you tell them that your mother is often right and that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism.

If you think things like this can’t happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is when someone wants you to do what you know you shouldn’t and to believe the unbelieveable. It can happen to you and it probably already has.

How do we know? If you consider answering “yes” to even one of the following questions, you’ve probably been gaslighted:

Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse?

When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world?

Do you dread having small things go wrong at home—buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar?

Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. That’s because it plays into one of our worst fears—of being abandoned—and many of our deepest needs: to be understood, appreciated, and loved. In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works and tells you how to: Turn up your Gaslight Radar, so you know when a relationship is headed for trouble.

Includes a bonus PDF of appendices from the book.

About The Author

, has been a therapist for more than twenty years, specializing in issues of emotional abuse and psychological manipulation. She has been a keynote speaker at universities, and consults to schools, corporations, and nonprofit organizations. She teaches at Hunter College, Teachers College, and Columbia University and is also a leadership coach for faculty. She is a founding member of the Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership. She currently maintains a psychotherapy practice in New York City, where she lives with her husband and two children.


Reviews

Goodreads review by Sarah on May 06, 2015

The Gaslight is a 1940's film starring Ingrid Bergman. In it, she plays a woman whose husband seeks to gain control of her finances by convincing her, and everyone else, that she has gone mad. He moves things and insists that she moved them. He makes constant reference to her psychological frailty.......more

Goodreads review by Lauren on November 24, 2022

This book answered so many questions for me: why do these power struggles come up in different relationships? This book will give you the how and why, and also show you how you can opt out of it. You are part of the problem AND the solution. The book was easily laid out and was a compelling read. I......more

Goodreads review by kylajaclyn on April 28, 2018

Ironically, I think Dr. Stern is gaslighting her readers with this book!! Here’s the main problem I have... are women in gaslighting relationships needy, obsessive, and emotional? Is the Pope Catholic? Stern is adamant that our need for his approval (our gaslighter’s, not the Pope’s) is what is keep......more

Goodreads review by Katya on January 25, 2011

I've read a hundred pages today. This book is fantastic. I was a little worried that it would be another "you're a victim, poor you, you should run away" books, but I'm finding that it's really balanced and proactive. It seems really honest about how it takes TWO to tango. It honors both sides, whil......more

Goodreads review by Molly on January 12, 2009

I think that almost everyone could benefit from reading this book. My only major complaints are that it's a bit repetitive, and the gender-studies bit of my brain doesn't like that Stern chose to use "he" for those guilty of gaslighting and "she" for people who have been gaslighted. Granted, that mi......more


Quotes

Compassionate and honest in equal parts, the Gaslight Effect is like a sturdy, truth-telling friend in difficult times. Robin Stern will show you you’re not alone in your toxic relationship, and she’ll also help you identify your role and how to change–and be a stronger, wiser person as a result.”
 —Rachel Simmons, bestselling author of Odd Girl Out

An essential survival tool. In a clear, comforting, and sophisticated voice, therapist Robin Stern takes her psychologically abused readers on a step-by-step journey that will help them take control of their lives and their destinies.”
—Phyllis Chesler, PhD, author of Woman’s Inhumanity To Woman