I Only Say This Because I Love You, Deborah Tannen
I Only Say This Because I Love You, Deborah Tannen
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I Only Say This Because I Love You
Talking In Families

Author: Deborah Tannen

Narrator: Patricia Mulholland

Unabridged: 12 hr 39 min

Format: Digital Audiobook Download

Published: 02/21/2012


Synopsis

Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? Linguist Deborah Tannen reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic -- even when we're all adults.

Searching for signs of acceptance and belonging, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism and judgment? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages -- unstated but powerful meanings that come from the history of our relationships and the way things are said.

Presenting real conversations from people's lives, Tannen explores what is actually going on in family talk, including how family conversations must balance the longing for connection with the desire for control, as we struggle to be close without giving up our freedom.

This eye-opening audiobook explains why grown women so often feel criticized by their mothers -- and why mothers feel they can't open their mouths around their grown daughters, why growing up male or female, or as an older or younger sibling, results in different experiences of family that persist throughout our lives. BY helping us to understand and redefine family talk, Tannen provides the tools to improve relationships with family members of every age.

About Deborah Tannen

Deborah Frances Tannen is an author and professor of linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C.


Reviews

Goodreads review by Adam on February 13, 2010

A very helpful book in figuring out how families communicate and miscommunicate. It covers all the bases, from how spouses talk past one another, to siblings vs. siblings, parents and children, adult children and parents, parents and teenagers, etc. A lot of good discussions on gender differences be......more

Goodreads review by Bonnie on November 05, 2017

Had to read this for class. It was . . okay. There were some interesting concepts discussed, but those are discussed early and then the rest of the book just becomes kind of repetitive. I honestly skim read a lot of this, but I think it could of used some more diverse examples as well.......more

Goodreads review by Megan on September 14, 2022

I found You Just Don't Understand to be really fascinating, so I decided to read more of her work. It's still good, but I felt like I was reading a lot of the same stuff. For instance, she discusses concepts such as conversational style, gender differences in language, and metamessages in both works......more

Goodreads review by Christine on November 09, 2011

OK, I had to read this for my Communication in Conflict class. But it was really good! You'll be amazed to find bits and pieces of your own family in this book, along with ideas and suggestions that are at the least interesting and at the most can change the way you talk. REALLY GOOD BOOK! (I am eve......more

Goodreads review by Sridharan on December 03, 2018

Excellent book It was a great eye opener since i find interacting with my family after my retirement. I was able to understand the family, group and interactive dynamics in the family and social settings. Great work. Enjoyed it.......more