No Old Ladies in Jannah
Short Stories

A lottery winner accepts Islam the next day—only to realize he probably should've kept the lottery news to himself. A barista who can read Quran gets away with listing "Arabic speaker" on his resume—until the day a man comes in to test him. A talk show host unwittingly asks, "what happens after you die?" to a Muslim audience member who's got a surprise for him. A man intent on memorizing the Quran starts by naming his first daughter Fatihah, his wife unaware of what he plans to name their next daughter.We meet a fella who's jealous of the other kids' favorite "djinn story" teller; a Hollywood hopeful pitching a Quranic Cinematic Universe; and a Muslim man reliving the same day over and over a la Groundhog Day. Along the way, we meet a kid named Simon who doesn't appreciate the "Bismillah game," a variation on Simon Says, a couple who has some amendments to make to their nikah contract, and we learn why you should leave all business behind on Jummah day.Finding inspiration from the marital journeys of Batman and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to the tweaked supplications of an Artificial Intelligence bot, No Old Ladies in Jannah sources comedy from the connecting dots of a Muslim mind in a mainstream world. Exhibiting playfulness with heart, humanity with humor, and traditions with a twist, this debut collection from Jawaad Khan is sure to entertain readers with a variety of themes, subjects, tones, and narrative voices. The many pieces here will take you in all directions, but are ultimately centered by the deft hand of a writer who takes both the silly and the serious quite seriously.